Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Continuing Adventures of Kelvin Bladeheart; The Downside of Bullet Time

Credits; Krell, Rea,
"Tell me who sold you this!"
"What the H**l man?  I never did anything to you."
"Tell me or I'll gut you like a stuck pig!"
"I'm calling the cops dude, you can't just barge into my house and start waving a book around making threats at people.  It's like, against the law."

Krell and Rea stood a safe ten feet away from Kelvin.  He'd found one of the books that Vionnelle must have told him to look for and tracked down its owner, who he was now intimidating. 
"He does know that's the dumbed down version of the Essential Generalization Theory, right?"
"Probably not, from what I know of Kelvin he wouldn't know the Essential Generalization Theory if it  introduced itself with a flashing neon sign and a personalized telepathic broadcast." 
"At least he means well."
"Chaotic Good might save the empire today, but it makes us hated for the next ten years."
"Eh, to each their own."
"True, I'll take Chaotic Good over Lawful Evil any day."
"Freeze!  Put your hands in the air."
Nobody put their hands in the air.  Krell stepped to the side of the hall, leaned his head on the wall, and laced his fingers behind him.  Rea chuckled and followed suit.  Kelvin didn't even notice the arrival of the, what was it that humans called them?  Police?
"You there, put that man down and get down on the ground."
Kelvin noticed them.  He didn't listen to them, but he did notice them.  You could tell because he made a sort of agitated grunt. 
"Put down the hostage, and get down on the ground, or we will stun you."

"Stun him?"
"It's like shooting someone only they don't die.  Humans use it when they want to take prisoners."
"Oh, you mean shoot him in the feet, hands, and then hit him a few times for good measure."
"No, the effect is simmilar only they use a lower power setting instead of careful aiming."
"But that'll just get on his nerves."
"Why do you think I'm got out of the way?"
"Alright buddy, you asked for this."

Older energy weapons always sounded kind of funny.  And on the lower power setting, the police blasters made a sort of angry burping sound.  The blasts weren't particularly accurate, rolling through the air as they flew.  They were probably moving pretty fast, but as powerful as he was Krell could feel the way time stretched itself for him.  FOr Kelvin, this was probably pretty fast, but he could have probably picked up one of the policemen and used them to block both shots, then set him back down exactly where he'd started in the time it was taking for them to hit Kelvin.  He glanced right to see if Rea was feeling as bored as he was.  She had somehow managed to procure one of the magazines she'd left on the ship, and had brought a chair in from the kitchen to sit in while she watched.  And judging by the speed she was flipping pages, she'd probably be able to meander back to the ship and put it back before the shots hit. 

Sure enough, she did.  He wasn't certain when she left, but she had drawn a mustache and a a full anatomical diagram on each of the policemen on her way back.  Darn good diagrams too, not that Kelvin would know what half of them were.  Although she must have thought of it since all the essential organs were given labels like 'stab here and cut to point B) for maximum effectiveness' or still worse 'kick me, I'm a spleen'.  Not that he could prove it was her, since he had seen her go from sitting in a chair with a magazine to leaning against a wall without so much as blinking.  Must be why she kept all those magazines, it probably really sucked to get into a combat situation and have your ability to percieve and react enhanced so significantly.  Useful if you were facing a few hundred men maybe, but against two police officers it meant a lot of extra time. 
Actually, that led to an interesting idea.  He'd never really experienced this time slowing until the war, maybe this was a side effect of immortality.  He'd never heard of it happening to mortals.  And it would certainly explain a lot of the stories he'd heard about them defeating entire armies, besides the vast magical capacity that came with being unable to die.  Assuming of course that Rea was immortal. 

The shots finally hit, Kelvin grunted and threw his hapless victim across the room at them.  He whipped his sword from beneath his ribs, which because of his armor and empty chest cavity sounded worse than it looked.  He roared and lept over the half wall that seperated the kitchen from the living room and upturned a sofa as he charged the, now rather wisely panicing, police.  It was a shame to see officers of the law disembowled so efficently, but he wasn't about to get in Kelvin's way. 
"I think the cultists must have subverted the local government.  These men were equipped like local guards."
"They were local guards."
"We should find the local magistrate and find out how deep this conspiracy goes."  Kelvin thrust his sword back into his chest and took off down the street.
Rea turned to him, acting as though it had all happened in an instant.  "I have the feeling we're about to destabalize the governement in this region.  Want to bet this 'cult' has made it into the military?"
"If it does, will we be required to intervene or can we just go back to the Casat line and ask them to look into it?"
"Intervene of course Father, what's the fun in getting those fuddy-duddies in the navy involved?"
"Those fuddy-duddies in the navy, as you so politely refer to them, have military grade weaponry, combat training, and salaries."
"Exactly, more fun for us if we get to do it without those things.  Come, the dour ditz will need his audience."

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