Short Story; One of the Bad Guys

Cast; Thalia,

"Stop right where you are.  No man is permitted within the dark lair of the Grand Necromancer Thalia."
"Oh lay off Thalia, we're just here to see if you want to go get some coffee or something."
"Only if you remember the secret joke and brought the candles."
"I did bring the candles but really?  Is this necessary?"
Thalia lifted her chin so she could look down at them.  It wasn't, even she knew it wasn't, but she wouldn't let it go unless they did it anyways. 
"Fine, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Because you killed it, reanimated it, and made it cross the road." 
Nobody laughed, it wasn't supposed to be funny.  It was just another one of the stupid things Thalia's friends had to put up with; the way other people had to deal with nasal laughter or compulsive drumming, they had to deal with secret jokes and ritualistic evil.  The only real difference was that Thalia did it on purpose, where most people can't help nasal laughter.  Still, she could beat any tacsim team in school alone and blindfolded, something they knew because she'd actually insisted on proving it.  Furthermore, she was well known as the most capable villain in the academy, despite having the lowest RAE (Random Acts of Evil) score of any student.  Most good students had a higher RAE then she did, but even the most randomly evil student in school couldn't match her when it came to constructing and carrying out a plot.  Not that all her plots were bad, her April Fools Day jokes were enthusiastically anticipated by even the staff and no one dared miss her Halloween Masquerade, both because of the impressive buffet and general good time and because of the horrible things she did to anyone who RSVP'd and didn't come, came and didn't RSVP, or was invited and neither RSVP'd nor came.  If you were invited, you came and you told her ahead of time, no one had ever been able to figure out what happened to poor Willi Jenkins and even the authorities were afraid to ask.  Less out of the fear of Thalia then out of the fear of her lengthy explanations. 
"Good, where were you all thinking of going?"
"Kal's Kafe, Ben's got a huge crush on one of the barmaids."
"Alright, is this everyone?"
"Yeah, unless Julie decides to come, in which case Thon and Sarah won't go because she's still sore about the breakup and would just make things unpleasant.  And if Sarah doesn't go then Rachel and Ulah might come because they're both not talking to her because she beat Joel in a duel this morning and made him look bad.  And..."
"Julie should have known better because Thon had been cheating on Rena with her in the first place, I give it a week before he starts cheating on Sarah too; he's on the list.  Sarah shouldn't have made Joel look so bad this morning, but he should have practiced; and Rachel and Ulah should suck it up, everyone knows Joel's not interested in either of them anyways.  But it doesn't matter because Thon and Sarah will be there,"  She snapped and a cloud of smoke rushed around them, fading to reveal them at Kal's.  "Because there is here, and we are there, which is now here.  See how much easier that is to do then to say?"
"We aren't supposed to learn Mass Teleportation until year eight!  How do you do that?"
"It's like teleporting one person, only you teleport more people.  Its just like any other mass spell, you just expand the target range and do it."
"I mean, how are you capable of it?"
"Because I have more practice."
"Practice alone couldn't make you three years more advanced than the rest of us!"
Thalia nodded and walked over to the counter.  There was a pretty blonde girl running back and forth hurrying to keep all of the drink orders filled.  Thalia watched her spill a little bit on one of the men as she set a mug down too fast.  She didn't even notice and started to turn away to keep working but the man, a brawny adventurous type by the looks of his sword and chain mail, reached over the counter and grabbed her roughly by the arm. 
"You spilled my drink missie."
"I'm very sorry, I'll get you a new one."
"And you got it on my armor, do you know how much harm that beer of yours could do to my armor?  If it gets rusty then someone could drive a spear right through it and kill me.  Your spilled beer could kill me."
"I'm very sorry, if you let me go I can get you a new drink and we'll clear your tab."
"That's not going to pay for new armor missie.  I'm going to need something a little more valuable then some free drinks if you don't want me to take this up with your manager."
"Please sir, let go."
Thalia couldn't take much more of this.  Now she was a villain, she'd always been a villain, and she'd always be a villain but there were some things she just would not stand for.  So while all her classmates stood by and watched the evil that was unfolding Thalia laid, incubated, and hatched a plan to extract the poor girl from her predicament. 
"Excuse me sir, I believe your father keeps birds and your mother's got a fuzzy upper lip."
"What?"
"Oh, my apologies.  I didn't realize you were only human.  That will make this so much easier."
"What in tarnation is your problem sweet cheeks?"
"My problem is that I'm sitting over here all alone and all the handsome men are over here flirting with this bimbo."  She thumbed at the blonde, who was too terrified to even register the insult.  "How about you and a friend meet me out back?"  She winked at him, just in case her point hadn't been clear enough already. 
The man didn't hesitate, and quickly tapped one of his friends and began gesturing at her.  They both started laughing and headed towards the door.  Thalia leaned across the counter and quietly patted the barmaid's hand. 
"Go take your fifteen, I'll have someone cover for you."
"T-thank you miss, but my boss would fire me."
"Tell him Thalia said you could, if he tries to fire you anyways I'll give you his job."
"W-what?"
"I'm the owner."  Thalia pulled a fistful of knuckles from a little satchel on her belt and threw them into the air.  "Masterless bones, heed my command: dispense beverages, collect money, and end fights ye bartenders damned."  Five Skeletons landed, caught rags and began wiping mugs.  Then with one raspy voice they leaned across the counter and uttered, "What can I get for you today, son."
Thalia pulled a talisman from a second pouch and activated it just before she stepped out into the back alley.  The familiar pop of a teleport signaled that her servant had arrived.  She turned to her broad-shouldered body guard and motioned him towards the alley. 
"There are two men in there.  One is wearing chainmail, he accosted one of the barmaids who works here; the other is his friend who agreed to accompany him to the alley under the belief that I would be joining them." 
The purple crystal warrior cracked his knuckles and stepped towards the alley, she motioned for him to wait. 
"No.  Restrain the friend; I'll deal with the scoundrel myself."
She plucked her staff from subspace and turned into the alley.  Both men were talking and making gestures, and the subject of both only served to anger her further. 
"Hello boys, you ready for me?"
They began laughing roughly and moving towards her.  She smiled, and they both stopped.  Her warrior was still inside, right behind her.  It was her smile that stopped them.  All of her Father's cold-hearted guile was carried in it, and all of her mothers fury burned in her eyes.  She tapped her staff against the ground and contained the alley in silence and shadow, there would be no escape.  She stepped forward and her loyal soldier stepped out, a living golem unlike any they had ever seen.  Both men drew their swords, but Thalia simply stretched out a hand and issued the command.  "Do it."
"By the creator's will, the threat you pose must be eliminated."
Both men dropped their swords and tried to run.  Thalia threw the friend back to her Gravagan acomplice, but the other brute she planned to deal with herself.  She pulled him back and struck his legs from beneath him, then rolled him onto his back. 
"Didn't your daddy ever tell you not to pick up girls at bars?"
"Who are you?"
She levitated his friend's sword over his neck as she cast a spell to bind him to the street. 
"I'm a very bad girl."