The Continuing Adventures of Kelvin Bladeheart; Everyone's Dead

Credits: Krell,
"Help!  I have a sword in my heart."
Father Krell looked over his glasses at the long bearded warrior that had barged into his office uninvited. 
"Lets see it then."
The man set a sword down on the desk, sure enough there was a heart at the junction of the hilt and blade.  How it could have taken him so long to notice this he had no idea. 
"Well Mister...?"
"Kelvin."
"Well Mister Kelvin, i hate to be the one to break it to you but it would appear your heart has been impaled.  there's nothing I can do."
"But it's still beating, look at it."
The middle aged priest took a pen out of his desk and poked the heart cautiously. 
"No Mister Kelvin, this heart has probably been stopped for quite some time.  I'm afraid the owner of this heart is dead."
"But..But that's MY heart."
"Then it is my unfortunate responsibility to inform you that you are dead."
"Nooooooo!"

Krell stared at the howling warrior.  Torn chain tunic, beard seemed to go from the bottom of his nose to the base of his neck, and a single short braid on his back all indicated that he was almost certainly from one of the high mountain towns.  But the mark he bore was that of the Royal House of Gasca, the only mountain folk who'd wear that mark were the Queen's bodyguards.  If this was who was guarding the Queen's life then...Oh right, that explained a lot. 

"Well this won't do at all.  Doctor, which way to the nearest priest or witch?"
"I am the priest."
"Really?  Well then, I need an imediate resurection.  I'll pay you double your regular fee."
"Why would you need to be ressurected?  Everyone's dead."
"Everyone's dead!  What monster is responsible for this?"
"Well actually we've all been dead for quite some time.  I'm surprised that you haven't.."
"Come Father, we must avenge our people."
A chain-backed glove shot up and grabbed him by his hood and yanked him over the desk.  Next thing he knew he was flying through the pews carried at an almost imposible speed.  His last thought before the door hit him on the way out was that he'd just been sucked into a pointless adventure with a complete idiot.